Ah February.

so, its Feb 1st, my brother's 32nd birthday.

it's (yet another) snow day - our 4th in the past 2 weeks.

it's also the first day of RPM 2011. AND FAWM. They are 28-day music writing "challenges." I hesitate to call them contests because although there is a bit of friendly competition the ultimate reward is the music itself.

That's an interesting phrase "the music itself."

After 20 years + of writing and performing music (I was 16 when I wrote "Believe" which I still play at shows now), some good, some terrible, some pandering, some way too far out there, some great songs done poorly, some sounding much better in my head than what comes out, some coming out better than perfect, the question arises: why DO I do this? I mean, I'll be 35 this year, and I know that Pat Moynahan from Train didn't get his "break" til about this time but I always was hoping to follow the Bruce Springsteen on-the-cover-of-Time-and-Newsweek-at-26 trail. What I have now is the music itself.

I love playing. I love writing. I love that what comes out of my guitar (and piano!) this week is MUCH better than some of the things I did 15 years ago. I also love getting feedback from people, from people watching, people downloading songs, people listening. It is sometimes frustrating to not have the success I envision in my mind before a show, but I have the music itself.

It relaxes me. It excites me. It's a part of me. It might be a cry for attention. It might be therapeutic. It might be a vice grip on my youth. It might be the most mature thing I have ever done.

So, consequently, I enter this challenge challenging myself. Will something awesome come out of it? yes. If I don't knock Ke$ha out of her coveted spot(s!) on the iTunes top 100, I will be merely mildly disappointed, but more importantly I will have harnessed that creativity and honesty that many people lose when they enter the "grown up" world.

My theme this year? Numbers.